Readings for today: Psalms 108-109
Psalm 109 is nothing if not honest. David is expressing his anger and frustration towards his enemies. He is being attacked. His reputation is under assault. His character is being assassinated. He tries to repay evil with good. Tries to respond to the hate with love. He prays for them but nothing seems to change. If anything, their hatred for him burns even hotter. So David lets loose. He unleashes all his outrage to God. He calls for their destruction. He curses them every which way but sideways. He basically asks God to consign them to hell. It’s a brutally honest prayer and one I will admit I have prayed myself at certain times over the years.
Many years ago, I somehow got crossways with a person who served on a board overseeing my work. To this day, I do not know what I did to them. Despite the fact that I went to them over and over again to ask for forgiveness and make things right, they never did tell me what happened or why they hated me so much. They made their singular aim to destroy my career. They talked behind my back at board meetings. They sabotaged the work I was doing in the church. They contacted people in our small group to impugn my character. It was brutal. It was costly. I lost relationships as a result. And I almost left the ministry. After resigning my position, I spent months in prayer as I looked for work. It was one of the scariest seasons of my life. I didn’t know how I was going to feed my kids. Provide for my family. I had never been in this position before. Like David, I felt like I was “at the end of my rope, my life in ruins. I was fading away to nothing, passing away, my youth gone, old before my time. I was weak from hunger and could hardly stand up, my body a rack of skin and bones. I was a joke in poor taste to those who saw me; they took one look and shook their heads.” (Psalms 109:23-25 MSG) In the midst of my despair and anguish, I asked God to curse the person who attacked me. I asked God bring judgment down on them. I asked God to return to them what they had done to me. I was angry. I was bitter. I was beyond frustrated at the injustice of it all.
Here’s what I learned from that season. God’s a big boy. He can handle our most honest, gut-wrenching prayers. In fact, He invites us to share our deepest fears and anxieties with Him. He encourages us to hold nothing back. He wants us to feel safe and free to express all our emotions. Turn everything over to Him. And here’s what happens when we do…as we empty ourselves before Him. Expressing all our anger, bitterness, frustration, and pain; God begins to fill us with His grace. He turns our sorrows to joy. He turns our fears to faith. He turns our bitterness sweet. He heals our pain. He wipes away our tears. He holds us close. And even our deepest frustrations turn to praise. Listen to David as he ends Psalm 109, “My mouth’s full of great praise for God, I’m singing his hallelujahs surrounded by crowds, For he’s always at hand to take the side of the needy, to rescue a life from the unjust judge.” (Psalms 109:30-31 MSG)
Here’s the thing I discovered in the depths of my own despair…God is faithful. God can be trusted. God is at work. God never leaves us or forsakes us. God holds us in the palm of His hand. God draws near the broken-hearted and crushed in spirit. God is safe. We can literally share anything and everything with Him and trust Him for the result.
Readings for tomorrow: 1 Chronicles 23-26