Readings for today: Psalms 35, 54, 63, 18
A prayer I’ve been praying in recent years includes the following line, “Deliver me from the fear of being calumniated.” I had to look that last word up the first time I saw it. It means “having one’s character attacked or questioned or maligned.” This one used to be a hot button for me. There have been several times over the course of my career as a pastor when certain individuals sought to tear me down, question my integrity, even have me fired. I disappointed them. I let them down. I didn’t agree with their particular point of view. And out of frustration, they began to attack me personally or attack my family. It was painful. It made me angry. It was unfair. There was a part of me that wanted to respond in kind. Address their allegations publicly. Prove to everyone that what they were saying wasn’t true. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit stepped in to remind me that it is God who protects my reputation not me. I didn’t need to give their allegations any oxygen. My job was simply to love them, speak well of them, maintain an open heart towards them, forgive them, and pray for them. I have passed this advice along to so many pastors and other leaders over the years.
David understood how it feels. As a leader, he too had his motives questioned. He too had his character attacked. He was falsely accused and even pursued by the very king he once served so faithfully and well. He had done nothing wrong. It was patently unfair. He would have been fully justified to be angry about it all. Fight back. Prove to everyone what Saul believed and was saying about him was not true. But David trusted God. He understood there was more going on that meets the eye. He even refused to take advantage of the opportunities that came along to take Saul’s life. Instead, he prayed. He asked God to intervene. He asked God to protect his reputation. “With all my strength I will say, “O Lord, who can compare to you? You rescue the oppressed from those who try to overpower them; the oppressed and needy from those who try to rob them.” Violent men perjure themselves, and falsely accuse me. They repay me evil for the good I have done; I am overwhelmed with sorrow. When they were sick, I wore sackcloth, and refrained from eating food. (If I am lying, may my prayers go unanswered!) I mourned for them as I would for a friend or my brother. I bowed down in sorrow as if I were mourning for my mother. But when I stumbled, they rejoiced and gathered together; they gathered together to ambush me. They tore at me without stopping to rest. When I tripped, they taunted me relentlessly, and tried to bite me. O Lord, how long are you going to just stand there and watch this? Rescue me from their destructive attacks; guard my life from the young lions! Then I will give you thanks in the great assembly; I will praise you before a large crowd of people!” (Psalms 35:10-18 NET)
The great preacher, Charles Spurgeon, once said, “If any man think ill of you, don’t despair or get angry. You are far worse than he could imagine.” I love that quote. I often think about it because it’s true. Sin runs deep in my life and though I seek to mortify it, I know how corrupt I am. I know my tendency towards selfishness and greed. I know my lusts and perverse desires. I fight them every day. The reality is without God, I am lost. I am far worse than what anyone has ever said or thought about me. I have no leg to stand on. I do not have integrity apart from Christ. I am not righteous outside of His saving work. Any godliness I possess is mine by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. So I don’t need to worry about my reputation. My only aim is to serve for the glory of God alone.
Readings for tomorrow: 1 Samuel 28-31, 1 Chronicles 10