Readings for today: 2 Samuel 16-18
I’ve often wondered at David’s grief over Absalom. At first blush, I can certainly identify with the death of a child. Anyone who has been a parent can understand this pain. Our love for our children transcends any disappointments, failures, even betrayals they may have committed in their lives. As a pastor, I have sat with parent after parent who is grieving over their children. Their children may have engaged in all kinds of behavior, some of it even criminal, and yet the parent’s love endures. In fact, I would argue their child’s mistakes only compound their heartache. So David’s grief makes sense to me on that level. Even though Absalom has literally betrayed and rebelled against him. Shamed him on every possible level. David still loves his son and his heart breaks when he receives the news he has been killed.
Recently, I’ve been wondering if part of David’s grief is due to his recognition of how he contributed to his son’s death. The choices he made. The way he isolated him after he murdered his brother, refusing to reconcile. The way he treated Absalom, purposefully keeping him at arm’s length. I wonder if David wept over what might have been, what could have been, if he had just made different choices along the way. All parents have regrets. All parents make decisions they later wish they had not. All parents know they bear some responsibility for the way their children turn out. I think of my own parenting. As a dad, I failed many times. I struggled to know how to handle certain situations. I got angry way too often. I let my own fears drive some of the decisions I made as a parent. None of these things were good. All of them impacted my kids. Thankfully, we have worked hard to forgive and reconcile but I can see how my failures as a parent create certain vulnerabilities in them that will last a lifetime and I grieve.
Thankfully, however, God is good and gracious to me. He has healed many of my griefs and sorrows as I’ve turned to Him. And this is one of my big “takeaways” from today’s reading. Take your grief to God before it is too late. David waited too long to express his true feelings for Absalom. His grief was that much deeper as a result. Don’t make the same mistake. If you are grieving the brokenness in a relationship with someone you love, ask the Lord for the strength to forgive and reconcile. Healing is possible if we will simply turn our grief over to Him.
Readings for tomorrow: Psalms 26, 40, 41, 58, 61, 62, 64