Readings for today: 2 Samuel 16-18
I have many regrets in my life. I have regrets over how I squandered the success my parents helped me achieve when I was growing up. I literally drank myself out of college after two years. Thankfully, the Lord saved me, set my feet on a new path, and I was able to finish college. I have regrets over my failure to love and serve my wife in the early years of our marriage. Thankfully, she stuck with me and we were able to work through things to get to a much better place. I have regrets over how I raised my children. I had an anger issue as a dad and I know it created a lot of pain and hurt along the way. Praise the Lord for godly counselors, the grace of God, the forgiveness of my kids, and the closeness of our relationships today. I have regrets from the last thirty years of my ministry career. The many ways I failed to love and serve those in need. The many ways I let my pride and ego get in the way. The many ways I lost sight of God’s heart and God’s mission. Thankfully, God’s steadfast love and faithfulness never failed and He continues to allow me to serve as a leader for His people.
I imagine David must have felt much the same way. Especially when he got the news about his beloved son, Absalom. I imagine he thought back over his many mistakes. His many failures. His many regrets. No wonder he cried out in agony and grief. “My son, Absalom! My son, my son, Absalom! If only I could have died in your place! Absalom, my son, my son!” (2 Samuel 18:33 NET) David understood it was his decisions that paved the way to this tragic event. It was his actions that led to Israel being divided and at war. He was culpable. He was responsible. And the weight of it all was crushing to him.
Regret is a burden that grows heavier by the year. Left unresolved, it piles up on a person. Left unaddressed, it can be soul-crushing. It’s one of the reasons I am such a big believer in keeping short accounts. As soon as I know I have sinned or failed or made a mistake, I try to acknowledge it. I confess it immediately. I ask for forgiveness and seek to reconcile with those who may be impacted. Most of all, I seek to change my ways so I don’t have to live with any regrets. I open my heart to the Holy Spirit for His sanctifying work in me. I surrender to His will and His way so I might become more like Jesus who came to serve and not be served. The more I serve. The more I give. The more I love. The more God frees me from any regret.
Readings for tomorrow: Psalms 26, 40, 41, 58, 61, 62, 64