Readings for today: Mathew 8:18-34, 9:18-38, Mark 4:34-41, 5:1-43, Luke 8:22-56, 9:57-62
Faith is not easy for me. That may be strange to hear from a pastor but it’s true. I am a born skeptic. One of my many besetting sins is cynicism. I struggle to trust anyone but myself. Perhaps it’s because of how I grew up. My father was an alcoholic for most of my life. Sadly, I learned not to depend on him. He would make promises he never intended to keep. He would lie to me frequently. He failed frequently in ways that deeply impacted the stability of our family. So I learned to control what I could control. I became fiercely independent. When I turned 18, I made sure I would never depend on someone so undependable again. Of course, I quickly discovered that I was just as undependable as my father. As hard as I tried, I failed often. I struggled on my own. I was just as enslaved to the desires of my flesh as he was. Finally, I hit rock bottom and that’s when I met Jesus. He met me in the middle of my desperation and He gave me the greatest gift I have ever received…the gift of faith.
It’s why I love the stories we read in the gospels today. Stories of similar desperation. A demon-possessed man. A woman with a medical condition. A father whose daughter has just died. Two blind men who won’t leave Jesus alone. Crowds who were bewildered and confused, like sheep without a shepherd. Disciples who are afraid. I can identify with each of them. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and loss. I know what it’s like to feel chained by addiction. I know what it’s like to feel like your body has betrayed you. I know the loss of a child. I know what desperation feels like. I’ve been lost and confused, wandering aimlessly through life. Thankfully, Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He meets me in the middle of my struggles just as He met the people we read about today in the midst of their struggles. He offers me the same freedom, the same healing, and the same hope that He offered them. The fundamental question for me is this…do I believe Him? Do I believe this is Jesus’ desire for me? Do I trust Him to make it happen in His time and in His way and according to His perfect plan?
As I said, I struggle to believe. Thankfully, Jesus helps me in my unbelief. I struggle to trust. Thankfully, Jesus proves Himself trustworthy. I struggle to find faith. Thankfully, Jesus offers it to me as a gift. And what I’ve learned through all of this is that there is so little I actually control. So little I actually contribute. So little I actually have to offer. But Jesus isn’t looking for anything from me. He simply wants me to open my heart and receive what He has to offer instead. Will you open your heart to Him today?
Readings for tomorrow: Matthew 10, 14, Mark 6:7-56, Luke 9:1-17, John 6